Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Farmhouse Update: Spring Cometh


I apologize for the previous (wordless) post, though I hope you enjoyed the pretty pictures. So much has happened and we have been so busy and I have been so exhausted that I just couldn't muster up anything except...pretty pictures.

Needless to say, since this post the situation at Wise Road has improved. The last absolutely necessary changes and repairs were made. A new electrician fixed the horrible mistakes of the Dude. A plumber (like, an ACTUAL plumber) hooked up the sinks and toilet (yes!) with relatively little incident. Things weren't perfect with our new set of workers. They fixed some things, but not to our standard of quality/neatness. They left a big mess. We are pretty convinced that we will have to call in Kansas City workers for future work and pay them the big bucks. We have become just a wee bit disillusioned with the standards out here in the country. Sigh.

But, one way or another, the work was finished enough for us to "move in." Devin and I went up without the kids and filled an ENTIRE dumpster with the trash that various workers had piled on our back porch. And trash that had blown off the back porch all over the meadows and down into the woodland. And trash that had been left in every room of the house. We worked for a good two days, clearing, sweeping, scrubbing, vacuuming. There was a lot of dust, a lot of mouse droppings, and a lot of bleach used. I almost asphyxiated myself by mixing two cleaning solutions that...um...weren't supposed to come into contact. One should always read warning labels.

After all this the house began to look like a house. We actually ate dinner in the kitchen! We made a little campfire and watched the stars! We actually slept in our bedroom.



There is still a lot of work to be done. The trim was left with primer alone and nail holes, so...more filling and painting. We still haven't replaced the drawer in the kitchen that the Dude misplaced. We still haven't fit the dish washer with its matching white front.

A lot of the remaining work should be fun and exciting. It's mostly decorating, finishing now. We are going to build open shelves in the kitchen from wood salvaged from the barn.The hollow-core front door will be replaced with a solid door with a window (the view out this side of the house is beautiful). The chairs will get new cushions (no, orange was not the original plan). I am going to make some curtains. We will get a local carpenter to build us a new table (the one we are using is usually on our front porch and is a bit too weathered for indoor use). Bookshelves will be installed. We'll swap the bare bulbs for some interesting overhead lights. There will be wallpaper on the huge blank wall in the kitchen (I'm excited about that one!). And the list goes on.

But there is a place to sleep. (Here is Hattie's little nook. We are hoping to build bookshelves around her bed, kind of like this.)

There's a place to bathe and...powder one's nose.


Outside is much the same. An almost infinite amount of work to be done. For instance, here is my garden:


Since this picture was taken we planted a row of onions and some pumpkins, just "to see." But next year (or the year after that) will bring a total overhaul.

The fruit trees are in bad need of major pruning and I have NO IDEA where to begin. There are a few venerable pears that still bear... But what do I do? Any ideas??

There is plenty of room for dreams, plans, failure and success. But for now I am content: a place to sleep. A place to be quiet. Every time we are there I am struck again by the quiet. And the darkness: how dark it is at night, how lonesome. It's wonderful.









Thursday, March 5, 2015

No one knows how children learn.


Don't be alarmed. These pictures were taken in the Fall. It is still winter here too.


No one knows how children learn.

I have always found it beautiful that the first thing a child learns, the first thing that he sees, hears, touches, knows outside himself is his mother. He sees her, and he recognizes--- what? his own body, his home, his source, and—surely!—unmediated, unadulterated, unconditional love.

That first learning is a deep mystery. And subsequent learning is an extension of the first. The child looks, reaches out with curiosity and wonder, and finds something outside himself, other than himself, but also something gloriously native: something he recognizes, a world that speaks of beauty and of—could it be?—love?

This is all mysterious and beyond our control and comprehension.

Let me repeat: beyond our control.

Because no one knows how children learn.

This is a truth that all teachers and all parents know, or soon find out. And as parent who also hopes to home school my kids, I think it is essential that I learn the lesson early and well.

It is tempting to think, as one carefully prepares ones’ curriculum, that by controlling the texts, the methods, the timing, etc. of your child’s education, you are actually controlling their education. You might be tempted to think, in fact, that *you* are educating them. But the best books, the best plan, the best theory, won’t ensure that your child will learn anything. Because learning is mysterious. No one knows how children learn.

Again and again I hear stories from home-school moms. They always go something like this: “It was the middle of winter and I had just had (baby number 3, 5, 10) and half of the household had the stomach flu. I hadn’t done any lessons for a month. The kids had been wearing the same pjs for days.  It was an epically horrible week. A week of home-school (and life in general) FAIL. And you know what, that was the week my daughter learned to read.”

It’s not that all the phonics, the letter games, the reading out loud, all that stuff—it’s not as if it didn’t matter. It did. These were the material and the tools of learning. These are the things we can offer to our children. But the learning—the learning itself—we cannot force that, require that, manufacture that.

This must be the most humbling and the most liberating fact for educators to grasp. Humbling (humiliating even) because we must learn that all our efforts, all our plans and intentions, all our theory, count for very little in the end. Because no one knows how children learn. Liberating because the child (our child!) does learn—often in spite our teaching.

All this means that the teacher must learn to let go, relinquish our control (which is in truth no real control) over the learning process.




Now for my confession. This is a very difficult principle for me to accept. Naturally I am a perfectionist and a control freak. I hold myself (and everyone else) to impossibly high standards. When I let this tendency reign, my life is, for obvious reasons, a misery. Because this is my natural inclination, and because I recognize it as a fault, I am constantly trying to avail myself of the wisdom which comes from parenting styles/philosophies that are in direct opposition to these tendencies. Thus I believe firmly in hours of unsupervised play, in dirty children playing unattended outside, etc. etc. (This does not mean, by the way, that I don’t believe in discipline, but that’s a topic for another post…)

And when it comes to homeschooling, I am most attracted to methods and curricula that give the greatest responsibility back to the child, and require the instructor to step back and away.

This is why I am attracted to the methods and writings of Charlotte Mason.

Mason’s first principle of education is that “children are born persons.” What does this mean? It means that a child is not a blank slate (to be written upon by careful teachers), or an empty bottle (to be filled by conscientious educators). Children are *persons,* with a will, an intellect, a personality, and a choice.

Persons are mysterious. Persons must be respected.

If we accept this fact then we must act (and teach) accordingly. We must not manipulate a person (even a child). We must not “encroach” upon their free will.

According to Mason the learning process must never “be encroached upon through use of fear or love, suggestion or influence, or upon undue play upon natural desire.”

Now if your education was anything like mine, these “tools” were used every day. In fact, it seems to me, that rarely were any other tools used. Desire for praise, fear of chastisement, desire for good grades, fear of bad grades.  Love of a teacher, love of peers, fear of teacher, fear of peers.
Could this be why I don’t remember much of what I “learned” in school? Because, so often, I was not—free?




So if we cannot use these tools, what can we use to help our children learn? Is the teacher useless? Is education divorced from the work of the educator? Is the only option some kind of radical “unschooling?”

Of course not. Surely this is not true.

The old adage tells us: you can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.

In the same way we can’t make our children “drink”—or learn. But we can, in fact we must, bring them to the water.


So how do we do this?

Sunday, March 1, 2015

To My Hugo




You turned two on January 23. How did the days pass so quickly between then and now?

How did the years pass so quickly? A moment ago you were a baby, now--you are a boy.

Happy Belated Birthday, my golden child.

When I found out that I was pregnant with you I could not fathom how I could love you as much as I loved your sister. I didn't say anything, afraid to admit my fear.

From the moment I first felt you stirring in my womb I knew you were a different kind of child. Gentler, more deliberate than your fierce and tumultuous older sister. When you were born I waited for that wrenching newborn scream--but it didn't come. You smiled and went to sleep. You have been smiling ever since: delighting in the world you find.
                                          

Your sister is like me, fortunately or unfortunately. You are nothing like me. You are like your father. Fortunately. Only fortunately. When my grandmother saw you for the first time, she said (in her arch, Georgian way), "Well. We know where You came from." I love you for your father, for the happy spirit you inherited from him. I love you for your self.

I am so happy that you came. I am overwhelmed with pride at how you have grown, and troubled with grief that you are growing up.


*** The fantastic photos at the beginning of this post were taken by Chelsea Donoho, who is an incredibly talented artist based in Lawrence, Kansas. Check out her site HERE


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